After losing with three Kings on the river in a Poker tournament, the only thing you can do right after that is shoot something!
I load up Fallout 3 on my computer. I recruit Somah, the tough-talking techie who I was originally imprisoned by the aliens with. I have blown up 2 of the 3 generators on this alien spaceship, and now its time to head into Robot Assembly to blow up the third one.
Somah bravely takes up the rear, thanks for that. We go in. She gets to tinkering on some alien machinery while I hold off a platoon of robots. Each one I kill, I get more replacements for my big Drill Gun, so its all good. I blast about 7 of them and then some alien troopers run in.
I shoot them in the head! I am a damn good marksman and with the slow-motion VATS system in this game, it makes turning fierce alien warriors into piles of ash and slag quite easy!
I do that!
Then I move forward on the search for the generator. After killing those initial guards, things are quite simple from there. It's quiet. Is it too quiet? It feels too quiet!
Hmm. Nope. Its just quiet. I eat some Crunch N Munch. Nothing attacks me. All right then.
I rig a machine to blow up and make a big hole in the wall. I'm handy like that. If you ever need a big hole in your wall, I'm your guy!
I run through it. Somah follows me, but hangs back so I can take care of enemies. Thanks again, Somah. Bah. I have a feeling that things were quiet back there because of her rigging, so I can't be too harsh. And anyway, with her hanging back, I don't have the same problem I had with Endicott getting killed and me having to reboot all the time until I could save his weakling self.
I am assaulted by more robot drones and alien warriors. But using VATS and my excellent skills which are maxed out on this game, I kill them all! I do a dance. On their corpses! What about it?
Somah and I find the generator. We blow that shit up!
Checkmark achieved.
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Now that I've got my fix of chaos and carnage, it's time to use some brain power. I load up Gabriel Knight: Blood of the Sacred, Blood of the Damned.
It's 2 PM, and I'm outside the Chateau. I go back inside, and immediately chat up the two British women. Old Fatty tells me that Mr. Basa, or whatever his name is, changed rooms with them because he's a Muslim from the Middle East and wanted to face East towards Mecca. And here I thought the guy was a Spaniard. Oops! Since they are all on a big treasure hunt, I am a little suspicious of his real reason for switching rooms, but I get no more insight from Old Fatty and her younger, Butch, Helper-Partner. Yeah. That's a weird relationship.
Anyhoo, apparently the bike shop is open, I will finally be able to leave this area close to the Chateau. I go in, but all of the bikes except this lame purple one are reserved for the tour. Bah! I try and buy the purple bike anyway, but Gabriel doesn't want it. It'll hurt his self-image to ride it. Prissy $#^%$!! Gabriel wants the big green motorcyle. Gabriel can't have it, says the moped guy.
I shoot him in the face. That's an option, since Gabriel has a gun, but pushing the button only gets a wry joke from Knight.
I leave the shop and scour around. I go into the museum, and take a red hat from the Lost and Found Box. That's not stealing, that's salvage! I got into the cemetary behind the church and watch the priest water his flower from inside his house. He leaves the spray bottle on his window sill. I snatch it! That IS stealing. I'm the good guy!
After some useless wandering around to every location, which you have to do in these old-style Point-and-Click games, I re-enter the Chateau. I knock on Moseley's door and he's in there. I give him a mint, he takes it and eats it. Hmm.
I ask him about his passport. He's got it on his person and shows it to me. There's a bulky yellow jacket on the hanger. The red cap I stole looks like his. AH HAH. I can put this together. I have to find some way to either drug a mint or make him sick with it, so that I can snatch his passport and jacket, and then fool the moped dude into letting me use the green motorcycle, thinking I am Mosely. Yeah. Logical. Now I just have to figure out how to dummy up the mint so I can betray the only friend I have in the game environment. Gabriel Knight, I like the way you think!
By the way, Tim Curry does Gabriel Knight's voice in this game. Kind of fun listening to him do the New Orleans Cajun drawl.
Okay, now that I think I've figured out what this chapter is about: Impersonating Mosely to get a motorcyle, I can go about it with a more strategic approach.
Now where can I get something to make him mildly ill? I remember there is an abandoned-seeming shed on an abandoned street behind the church. I haven't visited it yet this chapter, so I head over there. Ah! There is a cat on the fence. Let's see what happens when I spray him with water.
Yep. He doesn't like it and runs into the hole in the door of the shed. Apparently, Gabriel wants some of its hair. I deftly place masking tape on the top of the hole, and when the cat stupidly and for no reason ends up back on the top of the fence again moments later, I spray him again. And he predictably runs back into the hole. Gotta love point-and-click adventures! Now the masking tape has caught some of the cat hair. I take it, and Gabriel talks about how it'll make a great fake mustache. Really? Okay, not what I was expecting to find here, but I got something done.
Gabriel wants me to find a way to attach it to our face. I go back to the Chateau, enter the kitchen, and take a package of syrup. I combine the syrup with the cat hair, and wah lah! Fake Mustache! Yee-Ahh.
I still don't know how to boggle Moseley, and what's even funnier is, Moseley doesn't have a mustache. Hmmmm.
So there are door buzzers for every room in the lobby. I hit Mosely's to get him out of his room. Maybe he'll leave his stuff in there, and I think there was a hint earlier in the conversation between the two of them, Gabriel told Mosely not to leave his passport in his hotel room. Maybe he will anyway.
I go back up to the 2nd floor hallway, and Mosely exits his room. I sneak in and get the yellow jacket, but no passport, and I know I'm going to need it because the moped guy checked mine earlier.
He's got it in his back pocket. He ate a candy...hmmmm....
I go back out to the hallway, and note that there is a table shortly after Moseley's doorway. I try to put a candy on it, it works! I go back down stairs and ring the door buzzer again. I go back up. Moseley stops in front of the table to eat the candy. Hoo Hah. I sneak around him, and pilfer the passport from his back pocket!!
Yeah. I love backstabbing my friends. Nothing better! Now I should have all of the ingredients I need to fool the moped guy and get that stylin' motorcyle. Let's find out.
Ah, I finally see what this black magic marker is that I got way back in the first chapter, and how the cat hair mustache plays a role. One little mark, and yes, there is now a mustache drawn onto Mosley in the passport picture. I love it when a plan comes together, and when I have all of the inventory items I need to complete a task in a point-and-click adventure. Now to go see the moped guy.
Hah! My Mosely disguise works so well, I get the entire "Treasure Package" that includes a shovel and binoculars. Those sound like handy tools. I put the shovel in my "Special Pocket" where impossible to conceal items that are in my inventory go. No, honey, I'm not happy to see you.
Now I have the keys to the motorcycle. Gabriel cuts off screen for a minute to put Moseley's stuff back. I was going to burn the evidence. Bah.
I turn the ignition and....
A MAP POPS UP. New locations. Looks like this chapter is longer than I thought it would be. Let's go check a new location out, shall we?
I go to the train station where I came in. After inquiring from an employee there and looking at the train schedule board, it is clear that Bonicelli, the Italian guy that's on the treasure tour I met in the church, lied about the train he came in on, since it doesn't even exist. Nice alibi jerkface. I got you now!
I probably should have stopped playing after I got the motorcycle. I've now been playing for about 90 minutes, and the story has clearly progressed. There are multiple other locations so perhaps I should no longer just do the time progression as a checkmark. We'll end Round Three here.
Checkmark Achieved.
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Time for some Ultimate Marvel Alliance. Let's break things!
I choose The Human Torch, Spiderwoman, Luke Cage, and Daredevil for this round. Every save point I find, I change the team.
I'm still on the Hellicarrier, which is the first scenario. The Masters of Evil are trying to cause S.H.I.E.L.D.'s flying giant base of operations to crash as a first strike in Dr. Doom's master plan. I want to be on their side.
I'm not on their side. SO. I decide to start off controlling Daredevil, and we're laying the smackdown on variations of Ultron robots and Dr. Doom robots. A bunch of Shield agents are trapped in their rooms behind force fields and beg us to get them out of that mess. We find the console and turn the force fields off, and smash every damn thing we see in the process to collect gold coins! Frankly, I'm doing as much damage to the ship as the Masters of Evil. That's why they hired me. Fight fire with fire, right? Right?
The Shield agents thank us for freeing them, and tell us Winter Soldier is doing something or other blah blah blah stop him.
Winter Who Now? I thought this was supposed to be Marvel's most dangerous villains, not their most obscure ones.
Anyhoo, we blow up a lot of Doom and Ultron robots as well as important looking parts of the ship, apparently that is misleading, so I should smash as much as I want, and then I encounter The Winter Soldier!
Nope. Still doesn't ring a bell. Wait, who's the big green guy standing next to him? It's the Radioactive Man. Him, I know. Radioactive Man blabs about the plan, Winter Soldier tells him to shut it! Radioactive Man says it doesn't matter because he's about to kill us anyway.
Oh Iz You?
They assault us with a bunch of funky robots. I change over to Luke Cage and hurl them around. Cage says some funny things when he finishes people about them being tiny and fools and things like that. That's right Power Man!
Dr. Doom calls up on Winter's cell phone. "Why haven't you blown up the engines yet?" He asks. Winter craps his pants and he and the Radioactive Man run off. They run off!
Why you--!!
I finish off the robots and chase after them. Winter cackles "See Radioactive Man? I knew they'd follow us." he says. That's what you call a genius level plan? No wonder I never heard of you. I switch over to The Human Torch and proceed to burn them!
They burn. Buh bye!
Nick Fury tells me I did a good job yadda yadda but the Masters of Evil have sent some kind of large beastie now, cause Dr. Doom always has a backup plan don'tcha know, and could I kindly take care of it.
What's in it for me? Oh right. Playing super heroes. Gah!
I go through the next level, meaning to find a save point because I really completed enough of this to have earned a checkmark. But there isn't one, and I destroy all of the robots in the next board level. There's no villain boss. Just when I'm thinking this is getting too easy for Hard level, I walk right into a room with six robots and the Human Torch gets snuffed out! Whoops.
I switch over to Spiderwoman, and we proceed to leave the Human Torch lying face-down without checking his medical condition. Losers get left behind! Cold, Marvel Heroes. Very cold.
I proceed to go outside, hoping to find a save point out there, since I have now completed enough to have earned two checkmarks, plus I'm down to three members of my team.
Instead, I find FING FANG FOOM! Who dat you ask? He's a big, green, nasty dragon. And he's coming for me! There's a big gun on the edge of the Helicarrier, so I run over to it and use it to start gunning Fing Fang Foom down. He lands on the edge and breathes fire at me. I run for cover, then blast him with Spiderwoman's bioplasma rays, letting Daredevil and Luke Cage handle Ultron robots that also storm at us.
This happens four times like that, with Foom taking off to the skies, me jumping on the gun and knocking off some of his health, then weakening him further when he lands, until finally he falls on his big fat face.
I saved the Hellicarrier!
Cut Scene: We're now in Stark Towers. Fury briefs Spiderman, Wolverine, Captain America, Thor, and Storm on what's going down, and how we're about to take off for Siberia or something. Whut?
Iron Man flies in and says something obnoxious and the cut scene ends. I hit the save point. That's three checkmarks! Eh. I guess we'll log it as one checkmark. This is a long game after all.
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Okay. I slide Europa Universalis into the computer, and proceed to bore myself to anger. Any game that you just wait for time to tick and can literally read a novel while you play it, is an awful game.
I make it from January to April of the current year before needing to shut this down. And I think this is the last straw for this game. I will definitely be acquring a new strategy game to install in its place. Bah!
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The Scoreboard: Round Three
If you're keeping score on my progress, I'm 32-6-2 this round. Two of the failures are Killzone. Bah!
I lost in both Spider Solitaire and Poker, but they are considered wins on my progress score. Make of that what you will.
The "ties" are games that I am in progress with. I haven't achieved a checkmark, but I didn't fail either.
MIND TEASERS: 5 of 6 defeated
Chess Titans - 3
Gabriel Knight - 3
Mahjong Titans - 3
Sherlock Holmes - 2
Spider Solitaire - 3
World Series of Poker - 3
STRATEGY: 4 of 6 defeated
Civilization 4 - 3
Europa Universalis - 2
Gladius - 3
Space Empires - 2
Suikoden Tactics - 3
World of Mixed Martial Arts - 3
SHOOTER: 4 of 6 defeated
Crysis - 3
Fallout 3 - 3
Killzone - 2 (Note to self: Stop getting shot in the head.)
Medal Of Honor - European Assault: 3
Ring of Red - 2 (Note to self: It helps a lot if you hit the target)
Star Wars Battlefront - 3
PURE ACTION: 4 of 6 defeated
Devil May Cry - 3
God of War - 3
Gran Turismo 3 - 3
Madden Football - 2
Soul Reaver 2 - 2 (In progress: Just kicked the door in on a new location)
Soul Caliber - 3
SWORD SLASHERS - 4 of 6 defeated
Champions: Return to Arms - 3
Dark Cloud - 3
Drakengard - 2
.Hack Infection - 3
Oblivion: Elder Scrolls - 2
Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams - 3
EPIC - FANTASY - 4 of 6 defeated
Dragon's Age Origin - 2
Dragon's Quest 8 - 2
Final Fantasy 12 - 3
Suikoden 3 - 3
Suikoden 4 - 3
Suikoden 5 - 3
EPIC - OTHER GENRES 4 of 6 defeated
Kingdom Hearts - 3
Marvel Ultimate Alliance - 3
Mercenaries - 2
Rogue Galaxy - 3
Star Ocean - 3
Xenosaga - 2 (Running through Menopause, I mean Merkabah)
ROCKSTAR MISSION BASED 4 of 6
Assassin's Creed - 2
GTA: Liberty City Stories - 3
Hulk: Ultimate Destruction - 3
Manhunt 2 - 3
The Warriors - 2
Urbz - 3
GAMES THAT GOT THE BOOT DUE TO SUCKAGE
SWORD SLASHERS
1) Shadows of Rome
SHOOTERS
1) Freedom Fighters
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