We start today's gaming activities by attempting to conqueor Europe. It's time for an hour of Europa Universalis in the Strategy category.
I set up one of my provinces to build a church, and a few others to build some military units. Shortly after the session start, France, Scotland, and a bunch of smaller allied Province-sized countries declared war against me. Something about the dead cat I sent them as a present during a high profile banquet or something. I dunno, I thought it was funny!
Damn French guys.
This gives me the opportunity to polish off Scotland, which I had mostly conquered at the start of the game. My ally Portgual rushes to my aid, but there are a couple of provinces I control deep in French territory, and they send a gazillion troops to take them, and do. Waaugh.
I try a few feints by sending troops at one of the smaller province countries, and wipe out its armies. But France sends a million billion troops at me, and I save my troops by tactically retreating. (I am not running away!) and return them to England. (I ran away.)
HAHA. I assault France! Just for a minute, they aren't as vulnerable on their coastline as I originally thought, and as what appears to be ten million Frogs arrive in force, I tactically retreat again. (I run away.)
But, I polish off Scotland's forces, they are going to have to do what I say now. Mwah haha. Hahaha.
So it's not all bad. A year passes. That's a checkmark.
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Time for something a little more....one-on-one!
I put in Hulk: Ultimate Destruction to take another crack at that Gamma-Irradiated boss, Mercy. It's a hell of a fight. She can teleport and fires massive white bolts of energy that send me flying backwards. I, of course, am the Hulk.
I weave left, I weave right, I dart in the middle, I lift the biggest piece of metal you've ever seen, and then...
HULK SMASH!
It's a helluva slobbernocker, but folks I am here to say that Mercy finally went down like a...no, let's keep this blog clean for the kiddies.
Nice cut scene where Mercy tells me that Emil Blonksy (who in this game is not yet the Abomination, but I know the comic book, so, I'm sure he'll become the Abomination at some point.) Anyway, he's put a tracking device in her head, made her attack him, she had no choice blah blah blah.
I rip off her head!
Okay, I don't. But Emil send a huge missile through the building. I know I survived it, because HULK IS STRONGEST THERE IS! Did Mercy? Guess I'll have to wait until later in the game to find out.
That's a checkmark, finally rolling through the Rockstar Games category. That's a relief.
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I decide to keep the momentum rolling with the Rockstar Category, and put in The Urbz. This is my Sim game, and my little Sim is in an area where skateboarding is the cool thing to do, and the job description. Last session, I had successfully performed at the amateur job level, time to take it up a notch. Unfortunately its late at night, so by the time I get rolling, the skate park needs to shut down for the night.
Losers!
I go home, get some sleep, food, and call over a friend to raise my social score. I play with my awesome white bulldog, "Burglar Eater" and then I sleep some more to get my energy up to the highest margin.
Now it's 9 AM, I head back to the skate park, and bust a move! I talk to Roxanne, who gives me a side mission of finding three spray painted over signs of hers, and she wants me to take care of them for her. No problem Roxanne, I've been playing enough of The Warriors so I'm a tagging expert. But we'll handle that side mission later. Right now, I need to get back on skate park.
I bust a move.
I bust another move.
I bust so many moves that there isn't a numerical value to list to describe it to you.
I fill the job-o-meter to green, that's a win! I unlock a new romantic social. Watch out, ladies!
That's a checkmark. Objective Accomplished.
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Time for some Epic Adventurin'! I put Dragon Quest 8 (VIII to you Roman dudes out there) in the PS2, and take my four crazy characters back on the hunt for the evil Jester Wizard Ghoulmagus.
From where I left off, I need to travel to a city and get a magic mirror. Will it tell me who is the fairest of them all, I wonder? Shut it, peanut gallery!
I buy a better shield for Angelo, my Templar Knight, and we head out into the unknown.
I have two choices, I can take my magic boat down the coastline, or I can hoof it. I decide to hoof it, and kill-i-fy tons of monsters. Yangus, my brutish bandit, advances to 24th level. Nice.
But then the bad thing happens! Yeah. A bridge is out. Looks like Doulmagus didn't want anyone to follow him. Bah! I take a fork in the road to see where it leads. I get to a little villa, with a giant tiger head over the building. Neat-o Mosquito!
I try to go in. Jerkface Tom won't let me. The game just calls him Tom, but we all know the truth. Tom makes me take a three question quiz about what I'd do if confronted in situations where cats were in trouble. I tell him I'd cut off their heads! He tells me I failed the quiz. What the???!!
I take his quiz again, lying blatantly to make sure the cats got the bestest outcome this time. He lets me through to see his boss. You are the worst door guard of all time, Jerkface Tom.
His boss is an official who is busy with paperwork. But he's got two giant tigers in cages. Oh boy. He turns out to be all right. He asks me to do him a favor. Hellz No, say I. He tells me there's a nice reward in it for me....oh, really?
He wants me to deliver a bottle of magic crap to a friend of his, and all I have to do is find the four tiger statues that leads to a tree yadda yadda I stop paying attention halfway through.
Okay, I'll do it.
But, first I need to break for dinner. Cause game playing is hungry man's work. We'll get back to this game later. No checkmark yet, this game is still unresolved for Round 2.
And we're back!
So I get a giant tiger to ride around on! Cool! It increases my speed by a lot, and I am now crazy scary as I charge down the road. Lots of encounters, and the monsters get tougher the further I go down the road. Kind of how it was for Dorothy and her crew. First they had midgets and their stupid songs to contend with, then flying monkeys.
I kill-i-fy things. Angelo gets up to 23rd level. I don't see any big tiger statues around, and its pretty clear to me that I took a wrong turn, but I realize that I'm heading further south and east, which is where Argonia, the target of my main quest is. I find a little encampment and they have cool weapons and armor there, but I don't have enough gold. (boo hoo!) I keep going, kill-i-fy more monsters, have some close encounters with the Skull Riders, these guys are a tough gang of creepos.
I find Argonia! Since I had to travel half a continent and fight through over fifty encounters, I am considering this a plot point advancement, and a checkmark.
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I boot up Chess Titans and make an interesting discovery. I thought there were three levels and I was playing beginner, but after checking the settings, it turns out there are 10 levels, and I was set at level 2 when I got smashed. Hoo boy, do I suck at chess. I turn it down to the first setting. My new goal for this entire game, is to win once on Level 3. That would obviously be an enormous improvement in my chess gaming in the future.
I proceed to play 3 games of Chess at Level 1. In game 1, I get my bearings but still get beaten. In game 2, its a furious match that leaves us both with our King and one Rook each. After a bunch of fruitless evasions, the game realizes this is a draw. Game 3, I make a couple of blunders, and in the end I am alone with my King, and he has his King and a Pawn. He turns his Pawn into a Queen and soon enough, he traps me in the corner. So I go 0-2-1. Not good, but at least I feel I came very close to winning in two of the contests, so I am improving, which is the whole point.
Whatever. I suck. It's still a checkmark. Hoo Hah. My system. My rules. What about it?
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Here's where we are on the ol' scoreboard:
MIND TEASERS: 5 of 6 defeated
Chess Titans - 2
Gabriel Knight - 1
Mahjong Titans - 2
Sherlock Holmes - 2
Spider Solitaire - 2
World Series of Poker - 2
STRATEGY: 5 of 6 defeated
Civilization - 2
Europa Universalis - 2
Gladius - 2
Space Empires - 2
Suikoden Tactics - 1
World of Mixed Martial Arts - 2
SHOOTER: 5 of 6 defeated
Crysis - 2
Fallout 3 - 2
Freedom Fighters - 2
Killzone - 2
Resident Evil 4 - 1
Ring of Red - 2
PURE ACTION: 4 of 6 defeated
Devil May Cry - 2
God of War - 1
Madden Football - 2
Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams - 2
Soul Reaver 2 - 2
Soul Caliber - 1
SWORD SLASHERS 4 of 6 defeated
Champions: Return to Arms - 2
Dark Cloud - 1
Drakengard - 2
.Hack Infection - 1 (Level Grinding in progress)
Oblivion: Elder Scrolls - 2
Shadow of Rome - 2
EPIC - FANTASY 5 of 6 defeated
Dragon's Age Origin - 1
Dragon's Quest 8 - 2
Final Fantasy 12 - 2
Suikoden 3 - 2
Suikoden 4 - 2
Suikoden 5 - 2
EPIC - OTHER GENRES 4 of 6 defeated
Kingdom Hearts - 2
Marvel Ultimate Alliance - 2
Mercenaries - 2
Rogue Galaxy - 1
Star Ocean - 2
Xenosaga - 1 (level grinding in progress)
ROCKSTAR MISSION BASED 5 of 6 defeated
Assassin's Creed - 2
GTA: Liberty City Stories - 1 (Pimpin' Ain't Easy!)
Hulk - 2
Manhunt 2 - 2
The Warriors - 2
Urbz - 2
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